More Than Meets the Eye

H&M sweater, H&M skirt, Loeffler Randall boots, J Crew Factory sunglasses, Goyard bag

It’s weird, you know.  Looking at these photos and seeing that I’m 20 weeks pregnant in them.  One day I’m pregnant and the next day I’m not.  It’s hard–really, really hard.  As I mentioned right after everything happened, it’s back to business as usual on these platforms.  And as I also mentioned, it IS jarring to see a lot of this content I’ve been posting over the past couple weeks and remember that I took the photos in mid-September when everything was fine.  And the next day, it’s not.

It’s all still very fresh.  I still think about it all the time. (And I’ll probably think about forever.)  And it’s hard to post some of these photos because they bring me back to a time when life was seemingly better, even if it was mere weeks ago.  But I’m taking it day by day.  Some of you are still pregnant and while it’s tough for me to think about what never will be, I hope these photos help you plan outfits for your changing bodies (I also have a maternity section of my blog).  Some of you have suffered losses like me–and I hope you know that it’s ok to be sad, angry, overwhelmed, depressed, and any emotion that you might be feeling.  I know that I personally feel about 100 different emotions on any given day.  And some of you might not be able to relate to any of this at all–and that’s ok, too.  I hope that no matter where you are in life, if you’re reading this personal style blog right now, you’ll see that we’re all struggling in some way.  While photos you see on blogs and instagram look effortless and worry-free, there’s baggage underneath.  These photos will probably be shared on Pinterest with the caption “easy maternity style” and that’s ok.  What the future pinner won’t know is that this picture didn’t have a happy ending.  It’s easy to share the good stuff (and that’s what I like doing here most of the time–it’s fun!) but it’s hard to expose yourself and be vulnerable and let you know that everything isn’t perfect.  And while talking about the tough stuff isn’t the main objective of my blog, my goal here as always been to share the personal side of style…and sometimes I’ll peel the onion back a bit to reveal a little more of what’s happening. 

I recently learned that October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.  To all those suffering: I see you and I hope you see me.  Let’s take it one day at a time.

And I just want to thank everyone for their incredible kindness.  I still receive messages checking in on me and asking how I’m doing and that’s such a powerful act in itself.   Thank you, again.

sweater and sweater skirt with boots sweater co-ord set fall style maternity

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9 comments

  1. You know, why loss happens I don’t know. But is God not only going to turn this grief into something remarkable inside of you in your family, and in the future mother you are going to be, (because children are coming, even though they can’t replace that pregnancy) I am absolutely sure of it. I can’t imagine what you are going through but I just wanted to encourage you and say sorry. Nice post 🙂

  2. You always write so beautifully so that we can truly see what’s in your heart. I don’t know you but I know you.
    I went through a similar experience to you and everything you write is exactly how I felt and sometimes still feel (even 3 years and 2 babies later). I wish you so much peace. I’m sorry for your loss and all the pain that goes with it. Miscarriage is something you wouldn’t even want your worst enemy to experience.

  3. I’m so sorry for your loss. I have miscarried my previous four pregnancies including one last year almost halfway through it. I do relate to everything you’ve shared so eloquently about your experience. I know that no person, pregnancy or loss is the same, but I did want to share something that helped me. I started seeing Joey Miller at Wellsprings Health for recurrent pregnancy loss. I went to her downtown office, but I believe she sees patients in the north burbs, too. If you are looking to have a conversation with someone like her know that she comes highly recommended. Thinking about you and wishing you peace.

  4. Beautifully written. I ordered this exact outfit for my post pardom (3 late term losses in 3 years) body that I’m trying to get back. Even though you were pregnant, and I’m not and won’t be again, you help women where they are in life. Happy ending or not – showing off a changing body is change for good 🥰.

  5. Your courage is inspiring and I feel as though I’m in even more awe of you these last few weeks. I hope that each new day forward brings you more strength than the last and I’m keeping you close in my thoughts. 💛

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