Hype (See Jane Diss)

Hype: derived from the Latin word “Hypehamous,” which means to build something up only to be completely disappointed. Just kidding. I haven’t the slightest idea where the term “hype” came from. What I DO know is that there is a ton of hype in this crazy world we live in. It seems as if every time I turn on the television or open a magazine the “next best thing” is being thrown in my face. How do we distinguish the le faux from the la vérité?! I don’t have all the answers yet, but here are a few things that just aren’t living up to their promise.

2012: The End of the World

As my friend Marion said, “Why should I trust a calendar developed by a culture who wouldn’t even use the wheel?” I believe the hype surrounding this ominous date has died down since the movie came out (and flopped, mind you), but it’s still lingering somehow. Let’s all act like John Cusack’s agent and forget the whole 2012 thing ever happened. Seriously, if the world ends on December whatever, 2012, then I guess you could say the joke’s on us.

…..But, that’ll be hard for you because you’ll also be drowning in a sea of molten lava, just like the rest of us.

Lip Plumpers
Unfortunately, I’m a sucker for anything that claims to plump your pout. In fact, I’ve been on this journey since high school. It all started with my beloved DuWop Lip Venom; as soon as the tingly sensation hit my lips, I knew they were as full as swollen as a bee sting. Then I looked in the mirror–they weren’t. They just FELT like they were huge…and we all know how you feel has no correlation with how you look.

Eight years later, you think I’d know better than to believe a chemical irritant, although spicy and invigorating, isn’t going to give me the collagen effect I’m going for. I will continue to use my LipFusion lip gloss until it’s gone, but at this point, I’m throwing in the towel. And if that picture is even remotely real, then I’m going to strap an Ab Belt and de-jowlify myself, after I find out what she put on her lips.

If you have a lip plumper you love, please please please prove me wrong and share your secret!

Celebrity Perfumes

Nobody ever buys those celeb-u-scents,’ you may be thinking to yourself. Au contraire. Celebrities would never sign the dotted line of anything if there wasn’t some highly lucrative incentive in it for them. Do you want to smell like Britney Spears (i.e. Frappuccinos and Cheetos)? Yeah, I don’t either, but I’m telling you, some people do.

Stop the insanity! If Paris Hilton comes out with another perfume, I might have to buy into the 2012 nonsense because then I’ll really know the end is nigh.

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